Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lack of Ducks in a Messy Row

Well, unless God (or little MB) has plans of His own, it looks like we'll be meeting our son this next Tuesday! My OB just called and we are set to induce the day after Labor Day. Ironic that I'd be going into labor on Labor Day week. I'm excited. Nervous. Relieved. Terrified. Labor Day weekend has been a really hard weekend the last several years. Something devastating always happens. My little dog Henry died a few years ago. My friend Marla lost her entire world to Katrina the year after that. Then last year, the worst yet. The pessimist in me can't help but wonder...

Stop. I must have Faith that God will bless.

You know, it's funny. Most often we pray for answers. Concrete answers. Answers that would satisfy our curiosity, answers that would allow us to prepare better. And nine times out of ten, God does not give us those answers. I've never understood why, because doesn't He know that I function better when I know what's coming down the path? :-)

I've heard over the years that He doesn't always provide answers, because the answer is FAITH. That we should have FAITH that whatever happens has already been filtered through His loving hands...that nothing happens without His knowledge or forethought. That He will provide strength and a deliverance no matter what the situation. A hard lesson for us Type A's that prefer to have all our ducks in a row before something starts. But I'm very, very slowly "getting it." And this is one of those situations that kind drives the lesson home. I've always wanted to know EXACTLY when our son would arrive. And now that I have a fairly concrete answer, I'm kinda freakin' out about it.

Will we have the nursery done?
Will my project at work get completed in time?
Will I be able to get a pedicure or haircut in time? Like that matters!?
Will he decide to come sooner?
Will my water break in public?
Will we get to the hospital in time?
Will the delivery go okay?
Will it be a vaginal delivery or C-section?

Up until that phone call today, I've had a relative peace about MB arriving when he arrives. Please note I said "relative, not "constant". But all in all, I was really okay with not knowing. Now that I know, I think I'm more stressed out.

*big sigh*

I think that sometimes God gives me exactly what I want, so that I'm reminded that His knowledge of what's going to happen is what matters. Not mine. I guess I should get better about NOT knowing and just letting Him take care of me. So much to learn y'all. And here I am about to embark on one of the biggest teaching experiences of my life: parenthood. How can something be so exciting and so terrifying at the same time? And after all these years of dying for a child, how is it that I suddenly feel so ill-prepared to care for one? I feel a bit like I'm in an open doorway of a high-flying plane and I just have to believe that I've been provided a parachute without knowing for sure.

Thank you Father for teaching me that it's okay to not have my ducks in a row. That the lack of ducks and the lack of a neat row is a reminder that YOU are in control and that's what matters. Please guide us in rearing this child. Please don't let me forget that he is YOUR child, only on loan to us. I thank you so much for the opportunity, but now that it's here I'm a little scared. Please give us the peace beyond all understanding that you equip the called, not call the equipped. I feel very ill-equipped suddenly, so I'm trusting that You have a special plan for this baby that will overcome anything I could do to screw it up.

A year ago this weekend, I had no idea what blessings would be in store for our lives. But I trusted that you'd not forget me - and you haven't. Thank you for Your Grace and your Faithfulness. Thank you for loving us so much and not forgetting us.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Mr. Squishy Face and Birthday Week

We had another sono yesterday. The basic shots taken were measurements, so no cool pictures, except the below. Our sonographer was able to get a funny shot of his squished up face. Lean your head to the right and you'll see dark spaces as his eye sockets and a little nose and mouth beneath it. His double chin seems to be resting on his arms. Which goes along with his VERY chubby cheeks!

He's measuring around 6 1/2 lbs right now. Still on target to be a pretty healthy 8 1/2 lbs if he goes full-term - a full 4 weeks away! So far, it doesn't look like an early arrival is on his agenda either. I haven't dilated one iota at this point. Which I must honestly say was a BIG disappointment. I really expected her to say I was, even if it was just a little bit. Especially since he dropped last week and he feels so low, I just knew I'd be dilated to something. Seriously, it feels like if I look down there, I'd find a little hand waving at me! In fact, the stinker is sitting so incredibly low right now that the doctor had to push his head back into me to get to my cervix. Yes, TMI I know, I'm sorry, but...OWWW! But it was sure nice to hear the doctor say, "Wow. He's sitting REALLY low. I'm lifting his head just so I can get to you."

Okay, good, I'm really not being a weenie. LOL!

The only way I can describe Dear Husband's face after him witnessing this, was GREEN. If you don't mind, you might want to step up the prayers for his strength in the delivery room.

So, if he hasn't come in two more weeks, we're scheduling an induction close to MB's due date, September 7th. He might come on his own in the meantime, but just so I can get myself on her schedule we wanted to plan accordingly. Her personal practice is to not induce before 39 weeks (unless there are complications) or not let a pregnancy go past 41 weeks. So unless God has other plans for us, it looks like we're going to have to wait awhile for this little turkey to finish baking. While I'm so anxious to meet him, I'm overwhelmed with my growing To Do List before his arrival. I guess I should appreciate the time to get that stuff done!

In other news, I had a fabulous birthday. We have a tradition in our household to have Birthday Week. It started off with a lovenote from my dear hubby the first day and has since progressed to a great (cooked) sushi dinner and several presents spread out over a few days. Thank you to all of you that have sent me emails and called. It's so sweet to be remembered, as this birthday officially sends me into my late 30's. Uggs. I've needed all the sweetness I can get right now. My friend Jenny called and actually sang to me! As did my in-laws and some of my coworkers. My friends Sarah and Scott sent me a funny birthday online card/game where I got to shoot birthday monsters and every one I hit took a year off my age. So this week I'm actually just turning 21. What a fabulous game! I think I'll play it every year. :-)

What's so cool, is that I still have the rest of my week to enjoy!

Thursday, August 2, 2007

The Waddling Has Officially Begun

The past couple days I've felt "different". That pain in my upper abdomen I've been struggling with? It's still there, but with much less intensity. I've been able to breathe a little easier and actually eat some without being in too much pain. But I've had this funny pressure in my pelvis that makes me feel like I'm walking with a basketball between my legs. It's a rather painful sensation, as there is a lot of pulling in my groin area, but I've discovered I can walk it off a bit. First thing in the morning or first thing after sitting for awhile is where it's tough. It takes a bit of activity on my legs for it to go away. But not too much, because then it comes back. LOL!

So...after speaking to some mom friends, I've been told that I've "dropped".

According to the doctor I met last week (not my OB, but another doc in her practice), he's grown a lot and is on target to be about 8 - 8 1/2 lbs if I go full-term.



I have another sono and a doctor's appointment scheduled next Tuesday to see how close we really are. Although I want him to be as healthy and full-formed as possible, I'm really hoping it doesn't take the full 40 weeks. And I'm hoping even more that the doctor's measurements last week were a little inflated. I don't see my little body pushing out an 8 1/2 lb marshmallow, let alone a child.

Officially 5 more weeks to go. Just one more step closer to meeting this little guy!