I'm Toast

This morning I woke up about 3:30 to Monkey crying. He settled down pretty quickly so I didn’t get out of bed. But then I was wide awake. I laid there until 3:45 waiting for Bubba to wake up to eat. He'd been asleep since 9:00! But he never woke up, so I went into his room to wake him up for a dream feeding. I was engorged, but I knew if I went ahead and pumped, that he’d wake up immediately after and I’d have nothing to feed him. As I lifted him out of the cradle, he woke up quietly and then fed hungrily. Half way through, I put him on the changing table to change his dirty diaper, but I couldn’t see anything. I draped a blanket over his lamp and turned it on. Brighter than I wanted. I could see his squirmy little body. All the books say not to make eye contact with an awake baby in the middle of the night. They fall back asleep easier if it’s all business. So I changed his diaper quietly and with great difficulty, ignored his cute little noises and funny baby stretches. But when I went to pick him back up to nurse again, he smiled the biggest silly smile at me with his tongue sticking out.

*sigh*

How on earth am I supposed to ignore those???

Even though it’s in the middle of the night and I’d like nothing more than to go back to sleep, I smiled back and nuzzled on his milky-smelling neck. I love this boy so much! We had some more precious cuddle time as he nursed himself back to sleep. If these boys only knew how much control they have over us with just a tiny smile or a precious hug. It’d be total anarchy.