Saturday, March 21, 2009


Just recently a friend of ours lost a close friend of hers. I didn't know him. But he was 33 and sat up in bed with a massive heart attack one morning, dying instantly. He left behind a young wife with two young children under 3. He was 33!

Then there's the story of Natasha Richardson this past week.

Both stories just break my heart and I've cried tears for both families over the course of the last few weeks. And I don't know either of these folks! Call it pregnancy hormones, but I don't think that's all.

Since JK's arrival, N and I have been pretty good about really seizing the moment within our family. We have our selfish/too-wrapped-up-in-to-do-list moments, but generally, we are more apt to let the dishes and laundry pile than not enjoy a moment with each other or our son. Dishes and dirty laundry can wait. Our son will only be 18 months old once. Anything could prevent one of us from taking another breath. Will a chore list or a selfish desire be the thing to keep me from missing those moments in time?

In spite of being pretty good about this, this week I've been hyper-aware that life can change on a dime. Almost to the point where my days this week seem to be in slow motion. Not the bad, "OMG, is this day going to end soon?" slow motion. But the kind of slow motion where you can really soak up each sound, smell, emotion, detail of the moment. Admittedly, these slow motion moments have not happened at work (Haha - surprised right? LOL!), but specifically with my son, my husband, and a few special moments I've had with girl friends.

I've been very aware that these moments are gifts, that God is giving me something to cherish and implant in my memory because someday I will be recalling it. So I grasp tightly to the sunlight flashing through my son's hair while he plays trucks with N by our front window. I listen closely to the emotion in the song playing in the background. I linger on the scent of my husband's after-shave when he pulls me into a squeeze. I hug my girl friend tighter as we part.

I almost didn't post this, because there is a tiny part of me that is scared to say it out loud. But that same tiny part is wondering WHY God would have me implant that in memory...what's He about to do, yanno? I know...sounds crazy, but there it is.

So lately, I think to myself that if God or circumstance were to remove my loved ones from my life, would I have any regrets about our final moments together? I would be devastated of course. Sad beyond belief. Our son is the light of our lives and this family just does not work without my husband there. My girl friends are some of the biggest blessings I've ever had. The loss of any of the above, would leave terrible, irrepairable holes in my life. But this week, I can honestly say that I would not have much regret. I've attempted to live every moment with my loved ones as immersed as I could possibly be. I know that this is hard to do every moment, every day, every year of our lives. But this is a start for me. I'm trying. I don't always do it well, but at least I'm doing it.

What do you need to do to let go of the obstacles that prevent you from LIVING and LOVING right now? Is it a chore list? Is it a hobby? Is it work? Don't assume you can put it off until tomorrow. It might never come...


Cubstarr said...

That's a really deep, touching post. Being a person that lives on the go, I rarely stop to think about what life would be like without J, my close friends, and/or my family. And when I do, something comes up and distracts me from it.

It's so easy to get so wrapped up in our own selfish and maybe not so selfish desires. But you're right. Everyone should stop and soak in everything that we have so that we can fully appreciate all that has been given to us in all aspects of life.

=) I really enjoyed reading your post... made me choke up a little.

The Kennedy's said...

teary -eyed. and yet, I have been feeling the same things. Today in ABF, I thought, you know,...I had the same thoughts that are almost impossible to write - so I am glad you did- in your most perfect, well-said way. :) thank you. Jen

Leslie said...

I get this...totally get what you are talking about. I sometimes get so hung up on having the house cleaned or doing "things" that I forget that the important things right now are playing with my kids. That is one of the most fond memories I have of growing Mom getting on the floor and playing with me, not sending me off, but interacting with me and teaching me.
Love your thoughts!