Early Mother's Day

This past Saturday we had a garage sale. We're finally following some of Dave Ramsey's advice and purging/selling stuff we don't use. We didn't make as much as we hoped, but we did get rid of a lot of JUNK!

Afterward, we needed to get Monkey a new pair of shoes. But nature called in the form of four growling bellies, so we stopped at a local gluten-free taco joint first. I was exhausted and (unbeknownst at the time), dehydrated and sunburned, so the seat on the patio was a welcome one. The sun was setting, the breeze was blowing, and the boys were in spectacular moods. Maybe it was the margarita, but I had one of those slow motion moments that life throws you every now and then. I had a very deep awareness in the warm sunlight and raucous boyish giggles that I was immensely blessed and that despite any struggles we're facing, that God is Good.

So we don't have the money we want, nor do I have the secular job that feeds my spirit, nor do I drive the sexiest car or have the perfect pre-pregnancy body filling out the latest trendy clothes. But I have a dedicated husband and two beautiful boys that make me laugh and fill my need to be needed. N and I have struggled with a few things lately and have had to work hard to just live Life. But at that very moment in that little patio, I had a very keen sense that my Heavenly Father was right there with us...loving us, supporting us, laughing with us, and providing for us.

Even though it wasn't officially Mother's Day, it didn't matter. God was celebrating with me and the little family He's provided me. It was beautiful.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

The GORGEOUS weather outside!
The sense of renewal that March always brings
The fact that the weather forecast for this weekend is sunny and in the 60's
My new purple mani/pedi polish
The fact that Bubby is feeling better today
The snuggle time I had with Bubby last night and this morning
Benadryl for my allergic hive reaction I had to another medication

And last, but not least...

TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS!

Yes, I know that sounds funny, but it's true. In my Wednesday Night Bible Study (Breaking Free by Beth Moore), I'm learning three important things that have changed my perspective on life's hardships.

One, too many times we claim tribulations are in our lives, when they are really just irritations. We make mountains out of molehills. For instance, I'm realizing my "tribulation" of not enjoying my job is really not a tribulation at all. It's a source of irritation for sure. But it's not a tribulation. Perspective. Sometimes I just need a little more perspective to understand my life is not as bad as my emotions make it out to be.

Two, in our teeny tiny earthly lifespan (in comparison to eternity!), these trials (or tribulations), are but a blip on the radar. I remember in college, looking back at my teenage years and scoffing at some of the things that were "gonna kill me". Ha! Man...I had it so easy and had no clue. Even today, I look back at my college years and my late 20's and think the same thing. In reality, Life was so simple then, but because of my limited perspective, I had no clue. I think in 10 years, I'll be thinking the same of my life today. But in Heaven? Once I'm up there and realize what hardships I had to go through to get THERE, all of this will seem like child's play. None of it will matter, but it will have been totally worth it.

Three, overcoming the tribulations in my life makes me beautiful in God's eyes. The note I wrote that Beth said in the video, "Being healed is more beautiful than being well." I love that! I realize this might be a lame analogy, but I kept thinking of my great-grandmother's antiques in her home. I could purchase a reproduction of the beautiful mission chair that I always remember her sitting in. It would be new and polished and without any scratches or marks. But it will never be as beautiful as THE antique mission chair that she always sits in. It is the worn scratches, the softness of the cotton cushion, the patina-ed wooden edges, the history of what that chair's been through that makes it so beautiful! That's how God looks as me as I weather storms with Him. I might be beaten, bruised, exhausted and worn. But I've survived some pretty heady trials (and tribulations!) with Him. And here's a thought...the more trials I experience in His name, the more beautiful I become! I know. What a way to look at some of Life's hardships.

With every low blow that Satan throws at me to spin me off my axle, I'm getting more beautiful and precious in Christ's eyes. What a comforting way to view my coming years! I'm basically going through beauty treatments for my wedding day with my Bridegroom. :-D

Thankful Thursday

Today, I am thankful for...

The warm sun
My silky soft scarf my FIL got in Italy
A job, I might not enjoy, but it puts food in my babies bellies
Health insurance
A short commute
Two beautiful boys that make me feel needed and loved
An amazing husband that calls just to check on me when I'm not well
The opportunity to pray for friends that are hurting

And last but not least...

Hope

There have been many, many times in my life that I've been in so much pain or in such dire straights, that I've lost hope. It's an awful place to be. You're usually by yourself. Or at least it feels that way. Even when you're surrounded by people, you feel alone. It's dark, it's cold, it's eerily silent. Even God is silent during those times. (Sometimes with reason, but that's a whole 'nother post.)

But today, I am not there. On most days, Hope is my constant companion. I can't really attribute it to anything other than Christ. He is my Hope. He has given me Hope. So I guess with those two sentences, one can conclude that He's given me Himself. Which is a true statement.

The Hope I speak of, is not the kind of hope as in, "I hope I get a pony for my birthday!"

"I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense..."

(Sorry...a little humor for you fellow Seinfeld fans.)

While I have hope like that in certain details of my life, an uncertain wish, if you will, the Hope that has become my companion is a deeper, more intense, solidified Hope.

Romans 5:1

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we [1] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith [2] into this grace in which we stand, and we [3] rejoice [4] in hope of the glory of God. 3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

What's really interesting is the original Greek word for "hope" as it's used in Roman 5:4 is elpis, which means, "a confident expectation; to anticipate with pleasure". I kind of equate it to the hope a bride feels when she is engaged to be married. Is she hoping the wedding takes place? Is she hoping the groom really shows up? No. She knows. The reason the bride has this type of hope is because she has had a relationship with a man that has proven himself worthy of her trust, so she believes that he is going to show up and the wedding will take place and all will be wonderful.

If she's not sure of either of those things, then there are other issues at hand other than using the wrong term for hope.

So the hope described here is not the same hope that we usually use in the American English language we're familiar with.

So what is this Hope I speak of? I have a pleasurable, confident expectation that there is something better. There IS something better! Ultimately, my Hope is someday spending eternity with Christ and my loved ones in a much better world than the one I live in. But that Hope even bleeds down here to life on earth. I have Hope that God will provide for my needs. That He will not leave me, ignore me, play favorites of others over me. He wants the best for me and wants to give me my heart's desire. Could that be a pony? Perhaps. But not likely. What He does want to give me is a life filled with Goodness and Peace. Like any other parent, He will do whatever is possible to give me the tools to do what I'm meant to do...love others. Whether that be by encouraging words, a kind act, a sharing of experience, a hug...or sharing Him. He will always, always, always give me the opportunities to do this AND to give me the tools to do it.

What a wonderful piece of knowledge to live out in my daily life! I have what I need, when I need it, always according to His time and will. How can I ever go wrong in that?

Thankful Thursday

Ten things I'm thankful for today (in no particular order):

Central heating
Umbrellas
Covered parking at work
The fact that I'm gainfully employed
My baby's fever went away last night
My husband that adores our boys
Cinnamon Chex (Thank you for the recommendation Fords!)
The crockpot that's at home cooking my dinner
Organic honey crisp apples from Whole Foods

And last, but DEFINITELY not least...

My amazing women's Bible Study on Wednesday nights!

I'm working on a lot of things in my life right now, but improving my attitude is one of the top three. Interestingly enough, that can't happen without improving my relationship with the Lord, which is AT THE TOP of my list for 2010.

The study I'm attending on Wednesday nights is Beth Moore's Breaking Free. CANNOT say enough about what I'm learning there. Not just from the class video and the book, but from the amazing women within those four walls. It's an intense study. Homework FIVE nights a week! But I have made the decision that no matter if my homework is done, or my day is bad, I AM going to that study every Wednesday!

The highlight of the study last night that really spoke to me: I MUST get in the Word every single day. If I don't, it's like going for a walk in a Texas desert loaded with rattlesnakes without a shotgun to keep me safe. My ammunition is starting (or ending) my day with quiet time with God.

The side note that I must mention that I LOVED, was the important of reading scripture aloud. Satan hates to hear God's Word read aloud, and in reading it aloud, you can make him completely flee! Wow...what power we have supporting us!

While I am not going to be legalistic or militant, I am going to just make this part of my new routine, like brushing my teeth and taking a shower. I do it randomly, but it's random because I don't plan for it. I haven't been able to figure out how to do this in the mornings, so I'm doing it before bedtime. While not ideal, every night I do it, it's a precious sweet time. I enjoy it! I'm so thankful for the changes that God's making in my heart. And can't wait to see what the changes will bring this year!

This Made My Day!

For those of you that remember Matt and Ginny Mooney and their sweet boy Eliot...they have some wonderful news over at their blog home:


http://thespectacularvernacular.blogspot.com/

This just reminds me that in the midst of all the crummy stuff in this world, God deposits great joy into our arms just because He loves us.

Congratulations Mooney's!

What I'm Thankful for Today: Ms. Kamlah

Some of you have heard me talk about one of the baby teachers at the boys' school, Ms. Kamlah. I so wish you could meet this amazing woman in person. I can't sing her praises enough!

Back when Monkey first started going to school, as a new mom, I had a hard time with going back to work. I had to have N do the drops in the mornings, as it was just too emotional for me. I get to do the pickups after work. After one particularly tough day at the office, I arrived at Monkey's school in tears. Tears of frustration, but so happy to see my little boy. I will never forget Ms. Kamlah cheering me that evening. When I told her I was having such a hard time with working, she said something very profound that made me considering working motherhood in a new light.

(Ms. Kamlah is from Trinidad, so imagine her saying this in a thick West Indies accent.)

"Your son is a special boy, Momma. He is so little, but he has a God-given job to bless those people around him. He's too little to do anything else. If you were with him at home, he would not be able to have such a wide audience of people to do that with. By working, you are allowing God to use your child for His glory."

It was one of those moments that I felt like God was speaking to me directly.

Even though it was still hard, I started going to work with a renewed sense of purpose. If not for myself, then for my child.

Two weeks ago, Ms. Kamlah announced her retirement. She has worked at this school for 13 years, all in the infant room. She has told me many times that when she lies down every night, she imagines all the name-tagged cribs in the room and prays for each child individually. The idea that my two boys have had somebody, besides Mommy and Daddy, pray over them DAILY, is such a huge blessing to our family.

Today is Ms. Kamlah's last day at our boys' school. While we are so grateful for the time she's been called to care and love on our boys, we are very sad our time with her is over. But after all her years for caring for so many children, it's time for her to relax and enjoy herself.

Ms. Kamlah will never know exactly how much of a blessing she has been to our family. But we pray that God watch, keep her, and bless her. We will miss her very much!

This Little Light of Mine...

Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Many years ago, during the midst of an ugly divorce, God placed in my path an amazing new friend. Sweet Hopkins. Sweet was the children's minister at the church I was attending at the time. If there is one word I would use to describe her, it would be dynamic. She was a tiny thing. I had about two inches on her, if that gives you any idea. But she had the spirit and tenacity of a giant. When I hear the phrase, "Great things come in small packages," I think of Sweet.

The first time I met Sweet, she wore an obnoxiously bright red and pink flowered scarf around her head. What I didn't know at that time was that she had just finished her final round of chemo. Which came in a full package deal that included radiation, a full mastectomy, and a stem cell transplant. Her skin was grey with dark circles under her eyebrowless eyes. She walked determinedly, but slow. Her energy obviously low. In spite of her delicate and sickly frame, one could not miss the attitude and spunk with which she lived her life. Cancer might slow her down, but it wasn't going to KNOCK her down.

The second time I met Sweet, was at a camp counselors meeting about a year later. She had emailed and asked me to join her team of volunteers to take upwards of 100 elementary students to Camp Lebanon for a week long Children's Summer camp. She said she'd make it easy on me and let me go with the "little girls", the 3rd graders, most of which had never been away from their parents for a whole week themselves. I was petrified! My divorce had just finalized a few week's earlier. I had been struggling with how not only would I never have children in my barren state, but now I wasn't even married anymore. And now I was being asked to join a bunch of little girls for summer camp? While a part of me screamed in emotional pain at the thought being around kids for that long, a part of me felt a very deep need to please Sweet. Why I don't know, but I ignored my internal whining and said yes.

What transpired in that week of Children's Camp was a change in my heart. The girls were darling. They did much to heal my broken spirit with their sweetness and silliness. Not only did God heal my heart through those precious little girls, but through my new friend Sweet. Sweet was not one of those coddling, mothering types of women. She was tough. She would give hugs freely and lovingly and not one child or counselor ever felt anything but pure love from this woman. But we all also knew not to pull anything on her. She was sharp and wouldn't put up with any shenanigans from student or counselor. Her advice to all of us while we were there: Don't do anything stupid! We were all very intent on following her advice if it killed us! Nobody wanted to disappoint Sweet. I also finally had the gift to hear her amazing story of beating breast cancer, firsthand. At that time she was in full remission. I just remember thinking that if Sweet could battle for her life with the fortitude she demonstrated, then I could fight what few battles I had in my life. The question was, could I do it with the grace that Sweet did?

Several years go by and cancer again attacked Sweet's body. This time a little more extensively and with a lot more force. But in typical Sweet fashion, it was fought against and she won. Again.

A few more years go by, her kids are grown and in college. Her life still revolves around the children's ministry at church. The cancer returns. Almost with an angry vengeance. It was in her liver and her bones. With time, it's obvious that the aggression of the cancer was not going to be beat. The family decides to let hospice take care of Sweet in her last days.

A year ago today, Sweet Hopkins finally went home. While the rest of us mourned our loss on earth, the Heavens danced with her arrival. With that mental picture, I cannot help but smile. I remember watching her sing and dance at the camp talent shows with all of the kids...

"This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

Looking back, I think that was what was so attractive about Sweet. As corny as it sounds, she couldn't help but let her light shine. It was bigger than her. It wasn't meant to be contained by her tiny little body. Honestly, it's not meant to be contained in any of our bodies, no matter how big or strong. So again, I'm forced to ask myself, can I do this like Sweet?

Amazing Adoption Story

Some of you know that adoption has always been very close to our hearts. Even though we know we are done having biological children, we are not entirely sure our family is done growing. Whether or not it is God's plan for our family to pick up the adoption process again, remains to be seen. But I still cannot get over how my heart is pricked every time I hear or read about a family and child adopting each other.

I saw this story on an adoption blog tonight. It's 25 minutes long, so it's a bit of a time investment, but it's a stunning story. I'm not sure anyone could watch this without being touched by its beauty. I connect with this young lady on many levels, but watching her grow up with so much love surrounding her is such a testament to how God's plan is always an amazing one.

M2 Has Arrived!

Evan Kamuela
7lb 11oz
20in
Born 7/13/09, 12:34 pm


A beautiful, beautiful boy...










Our immediate reaction was that he looked like JK at birth and in comparing pictures he really does. (So again, another boy that looks like his Daddy!)


JK a few hours old...




EK a few hours old...




But as the days pass, we see that he has his own unique little look and his own personality. Which we look forward to seeing more and more of his personality come out as time goes on. The big similarity to big brother is that he is VERY alert and loves listening and looking around at everyone. The big main differences is that as of right now, we don't seem to have any feeding (allergy-related) issues and EK is a fabulous sleeper. Both of which were a challenge with JK. So we're feeling very blessed in that aspect!

The birth experience was exactly as I wanted it to be. After 9 hours of labor and a sedated C-section, I don't remember much about JK's birth or the several days after that. So this time with a planned C-section, I requested no sedation after the epidural so I could be aware during the surgery. I was a little sleepy, like I'd had one too many margaritas, but I was awake and aware during the entire surgery and remember all the details, which was really wonderful!


In the recovery room I felt great in my Bear Hugger. A special hospital gown they pump with hot air to keep you warm. That was WONDERFUL! Wanted to take it home...




On the second day in the hospital, we had a birthday party for the family. JK LOVES the birthday song and of course, loves presents too, so we decided to make their introductions to each other a fun and special event.

Gluten-free cupcakes, that were very well received...




...as long as he didn't have to share with the new little brother...




...and presents for the new big brother.




After a 4-day hospital stay, they finally let us go home...




...and this is how we celebrated once we got there. Chillin' in the swing...




Right now, our lives consist of diapers, nursing, eating, occasionally showering and sleeping. And...


...baby socks that never stay on...




...precious little newborn stretches (Mandi, this one's for you!)...




...this angelic face that I never tire of just staring at. Even when he's got adorable little baby snores...




It is not lost on us how many others are still waiting and working hard to start or expand their families. There is nothing in our lives that has tested our faith quite like waiting for our family come together over the years. This outcome is nothing like we planned. Nothing. But this difficult journey, through the disappointments and losses, our hearts have softened towards His will, whatever that might be, even in other areas of our lives.

All in all, we are overwhelmed with thankfulness to be this sleep deprived and worn out. EK has finally arrived and while the journey here was a challenge for him and Momma, we know that the journey from here on out is really the hard part. Raising two children as God would have us do, is the ultimate challenge in life. It is easily failed, but with a lot of support from family and our church, we believe we are on the right track.

As we move through raising these boys, we ask that you please pray for us to make good decisions, to have a God-given patience, and maintain a wonderful marriage in the midst of it. And we thank you for all the hundreds of prayers that have already been lifted on our behalf and on behalf of our children. We know you have sacrificed much of yourselves for us and for that we are very, very grateful!

Exhiliration

I remember when I was a little girl, that if I had just the right type of dress or skirt, it was always fun to twirl around in it. The bigger the skirt, the more fun to twirl, and the prettier I felt. Like a princess!

The last two weeks or so, I've felt that same exhiliration. I've felt the world spinning around me, the excitement of our coming child, the winds of change blowing my hair into my face and mouth. I've felt very pretty. Silly I know. I was huge, swollen, uncomfortable, hot and sweaty most of the time. But in the midst of that, I've had this sweet sense of my womanliness. My swollen belly, my pink painted toes, my bright skin and strong nails and hair. I had made a choice lately to wear the cutest clothes I could fit and to always have my makeup and hair done. Usually when I do this, it's an attempt to achieve a "fake-it-till-you-make-it" mentality. Look pretty = feeling pretty. But the last several weeks I've actually felt it and decided to just look it. Like a blue moon, this doesn't happen often. Knowing this, I thought I'd just run with it. I'm still in the cloud of that sensation, in spite of all the chaos and hormones. I'm attempting to relish in that feeling, as I know they don't always stay long. So...

Please pardon our blog-land absence this past week. We are working on a detailed post about the latest change in our lives...but we haven't gathered and downloaded all the pictures yet. So thank you for your patience!!!

But right now, we are enjoying Life and will update everyone very soon.

It's Not a Wives' Tale

This past Monday night, I started contracting pretty hard around 9:30 or so. I've had serious Braxton Hicks with both pregnancies, but if you've had BH, you know the difference between that and real labor contractions. These weren't BH! The discomfort was more painful and lower. At first they were around 15 or so minutes apart, but after about an hour, they were closer to 9 minutes apart and pretty intense. We called my OB, who said if they got down to 5 minutes apart for an hour, to give her a call and head into Labor and Delivery. So we stayed at home and continued to monitor. Over the next several hours, the contractions continued to be intense and started getting closer. We got down to 6 minutes apart, but not under 5.

I was so ready to go to the hospital!

Finally around 2 am, they got less intense and finally abated completely. They picked up again with some full intensity around 4 am and continued for another couple hours, but never less than 9 minutes apart. Again, around 6 am, they abated completely.

Big fat false alarm. Grrrr!

The next day, a coworker mentioned to me that it was a full moon and that her grandmother said more women go into false labor on full moon nights. I laughed it off, but the thought nagged at me the rest of the day. The moon controls the tides of the oceans. Could it have some kind of effect on the tides within my womb?

So I asked my OB on Tuesday about it. She laughed with me over it, but nodded the whole time.

"There are many crazy wives' tales and myths about women and labor, but the full moon is not one of them. Hospitals are known to staff up higher on full moon nights because there is something to them that we can't explain. There are more women that go into false labor and even labor on full moon nights. It's the real thing."

So there you have it. If I'd known it was a full moon that night, I might have been able to contain some of my excitement about M2's possible early arrival. As it stands, unless he really decides to make an earlier appearance, this coming Monday at high noon, M2 will be introduced to the world via C-section.

We're excited.

We're nervous.

We're overwhelmed.

We're ready.

And we're not.

But more than anything we praise our amazing Heavenly Father for the miracle He has created within me. This child is not of our doing, but His. Even though we find it crazy that we have yet another unexpected biological child on the way, it's not a surprise to Him. And somehow in that craziness, we find comfort in the fact that this huge change in our lives has already been sifted through His fingers.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

This not only means the days ordained outside of the womb, but within. Monday night might have been a disappointment or surprise to us, but it wasn't to God. He knows the exact moment and time that little M2 will join this world.

So with that thought, we are enjoying our last weekend as a family of three. The nursery is not finished, nor do we know how things will go with Monkey and M2. But we have the essentials that will fulfill our son's needs once he's arrived. We don't plan on doing much other than enjoying each other and our only child Monkey for the next few days. In the meantime, we covet your prayers for a smooth delivery, the health of our child, and a smooth transition for our firstborn.

Our next post will most likely reflect details of the newest person in the W clan.

Blessings!
A & N

Too Cute!

Sometimes I am still in awe that my baby brothers are daddies. So weird. But they sure do make cute babies! (I stole these off their FB profiles.)


JK & C and baby DF...




JL and baby J...

What I MEANT To Say...

When N and I count our blessings, our Small Group is always one of those things at the top of our list. This group of people have surrounded us with love, encouragement, and nurturing for several years. They mourned and grieved with us in our hormonal infertility journey and two miscarriages. They have literally laid hands on me and prayed for God to open my womb. They have joyously celebrated with us as the first folks to know about Monkey's conception...literally...even before our family. It is with this group of friends that God has pulled us closer to Him, sharpened our minds, and made us accountable in our walks. We seriously cannot thank Him enough for giving us these folks, who I call "Jesus in skin".

This past Sunday, these awesome friends hosted a diapers and wipes shower for us during our Sunday School class. They had a gorgeous breakfast spread, including some super yummy gluten-free raspberry muffins! (Thank you Kristen!) I'm just kicking myself for not remembering my camera that morning, because the breakfast table looked beautiful. And then there was the HUGE PILE of diapers and wipes standing next to it! The generosity from everyone in our Joshua Tree class was overwhelming to say the least.





When it came time for praise/prayer requests that morning, we just had to sing the praises of everyone in that room. I had it all planned out. I knew pretty much what needed to be said. Except when I opened my mouth the dam of emotions kinda took over and I lost all composure. :-( For those of you that were there, please forgive me for blubbering, so I feel the need to really state what my heart felt at the moment.

What I meant to say was, "Thank you all for being such an integral part of our journey the last few years. We seriously leaned on you during some very tough times. Most of you carried us and had hope for us because we were too broken to have hope for ourselves. We can't thank you enough for standing by us during those times and for your generosity today. The tough economy has taken it's toll on all of us and we completely understand that some of you have given sacrificially to give us gifts today. We are very touched with you even being here to help us celebrate our SECOND little monkey, let alone the generosity of that huge pile of diapers and wipes."

The only thing that I can add since then, is a big thank you to those of you that also gave sweet little gifts to Monkey as the new big brother! We are so grateful to those of you that remembered him...you guys are so awesome! We plan on keeping those gifts on stand-by until M2 arrives, so Monkey can feel loved and pampered when the stress of a sibling arrives.

We love you man! :-)

Baby Dreams

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

~ Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty





Boy, isn't that the truth?

I think Monkey woke up about 3:00/3:30 his morning…I can’t really remember now. He was just fussy at first, but eventually really crying and calling "Momma" like he was scared. I went into his room and patted the mattress and he immediately lay back down, but he didn’t really go back to sleep. I sat on the floor next to him for awhile, with my arm in the crib slat rubbing his back. He kept coughing and I could hear his nose sniffling. Every now and then his head would pop up and he’d go, “Nose, nose”, which he says when he wants to blow his nose. So I’d get a tissue and wipe it. He’d lie back down, but still not fall asleep. I knew as soon as I left he was going to cry, so I finally lied down next to his crib on some pillows. His request for a tissue happened three or four times over the course of an hour. At that point, I was getting really uncomfortable on the floor, so I scooped him up and took him into the living room with me, where we snuggled on Daddy’s recliner. He eventually went to sleep, but by then I was wide awake.

Two times after that, he’d wake up crying. Hard. He’d been dreaming of something bothersome. I’d always pat his arm or rub his cheek and snuggle him tight, so he’d known Momma was there. He’d turn his head into my chest and eventually his breathing would even out. Monkey is not a snuggler at all anymore, so the resentment over the lack of precious sleep disappeared. I knew this sweet moment was fleeting and in my sleepy stupor, started a prayer of thanksgiving. It's hard for me to think of anything anymore without this child on the fringes of my mind. It's like I'm perpetually distracted from work, home, sleeping...strange.

The last time he cried, it took awhile for him to settle. He cried so hard in his dream that he had that after-cry hiccup, in spite of still being asleep. It was so sad! I realize it’s a part of human nature, but I really hate that he has bad dreams. What on earth could be so awful that his tiny subconscious brain would make him dream and hiccup cry? I suddenly realized that the maternal instinct in me wants to protect him from every harm out there, real or imagined. We snuggled for a little while longer and eventually both fell into deep sleeps. I woke up again about 5:15 or so because he was stirring. I could tell he was getting uncomfortable in my arms and needed to really lie down, so I took him back to his bed.

When he finally woke up at the usual time, he was crabby and fussy while we got ready for work. All morning he was throwing tantrums or just out and out crying in misery. We were late rising, so unfortunately, Momma didn’t have enough time to really soothe or patience enough to be tender. Today he’s at N’s mom’s and I’m so glad. He’ll get loved on, explore and play to his heart’s content. His needs are never impatiently handled with Gramma…she is sweet, devoted and Monday’s are always about whatever he wants. What are Gramma’s for, right? When I called a little while ago, Gramma C said he was fine. Not fussy, not anything but curious, playful and sweet, like he always is. I was glad. Sometimes we all just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, even when we’re little people.

You know, even with tough mornings like this morning, I am just so in love with this little boy. While my impatient side is breathing a sigh of relief as he climbs into the car with Daddy this morning, my heart is craving him back in my arms as soon as he’s out of my sight and reach. If there is a cure for being this in love, I don’t even want it. I am perfectly content to be whole-heartedly distracted by this child!

My Socks Are Long Gone

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom can be no variation, neither shadow that is cast by turning. - James 1:17




Do you ever outgrow that need to check them after they've slept for awhile?

Every single night since this little boy has entered into our lives, I sneak into his room after he's fallen asleep to just stare. And be in awe. And spend some one-in-one time with my Heavenly Father. This is where He draws me close to Him every evening. This...this is where I find myself the most comforted, the most humbled, the most encouraged in His presence...watching my son sleep.

I've been a firm believer that sometimes God relishes in our not expecting a specific blessing. For a long time, I had given up the dream of ever having a child, let alone a biological child. So I think our Heavenly Father took a special joy in handing us a gift that would totally blow our socks off. I'd like to think that he enjoyed handing to me such a funny, silly, ornery, excitable, active, chatterbox of a boy. It was more than I ever, ever expected!

So while I'm challenged with fears about adding another child to the mix, there is that part of me that is giddy with anticipation over what's to come. I'm sure it will be hard. I'm sure we'll be sleep deprived, overwhelmed and at times wonder whether or not we're going to get through the day. But I also know that in the mix of it all, we will be standing in awe over God's love and willingness to bless...just because He CAN.

I hope in those moments, that we remember that it truly is HIM that gives every good and perfect gift...that these children are not "ours", but His.

White Water Rafting

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed. Being pregnant, currently having a toddler, soon to add a newborn, working full-time, managing a household, maintaining a happy marriage, navigating around a new gestational diabetes diet (along with my GF/DF/SF diet), adjusting Monkey to a GF diet, sticking to a tight financial budget, and doing it all successfully seems so incredibly daunting to me. I have my good days and bad days, but lately, I just feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. I don’t say this to complain. It’s just where I’m at right now. I know I’m not going through anything that every other mother goes through at some point during her life journey. I know my life is immensely blessed! I know that. But knowledge and emotions are two different things and remembering the knowledge in the heat of the moment can be a struggle.

A blog I enjoy keeping up with is The Amazing Trips. The blog should be more aptly named The Amazing Jen and Charlie. After years of infertility, Jen and Charlie had triplets, and then a few years later, a singleton. Right now, they have four children, all four and younger. Chaos IS their daily agenda, not just part of it. She works at home full-time, has four children that do NOT go to daycare, has a happy marriage, cleans her own home, cooks her own meals, trains for and runs marathons, works hard to volunteer for cancer research and most times…manages to keep her head attached to her body. She is down-to-earth, shares her heart and doesn’t try to put on airs to make her life look like something it isn’t. She is real in all the good AND bad stuff, even if it might be embarrassing to her or cause her to gain criticism from her readers. I really admire that!

Another family I enjoy keeping up with is Jon and Kate + 8. I like watching their TV show for the same reasons. They are real. They argue, there’s a ton of noise and screaming with the kids, the kids are into everything, there is not one single moment of peace in this family’s life. Sometimes it’s hard to watch. The noise in itself is clamoring and makes my ears and head hurt. I don’t like how Kate talks condescendingly to her husband a lot of the time, but I also understand I have a teeny-tiny window into their lives – I don’t live it. So I can’t judge and point fingers, because there are times I probably talk the same way to N. But the REALITY of their lives is CHAOS and it shines through very vividly and Jon and Kate make no effort to put on airs for the public. I really admire that!

As a girl who has lived for several years in what I call the “Smiling Baptist Bubble”, the concept of living a transparent life is something I support whole heartedly, but struggle to put into action. What is the Smiling Baptist Bubble? It’s seeing all your friends on Sunday at church, wearing your Sunday best, and when someone asks you how you’re doing, you put on the June Cleaver smile and say, “Fine. Things are really fine. How are you?” as you twirl the strand of pearls around your neck. When in fact, you feel like you’re holding a pot lid on the volcano of chaos in your heart and life and have no clue what the heck you’re doing.

Am I the only one living in this bubble? If your answer is yes, please don’t tell me. Ignorance is sometimes my bliss. :-)

I guess another (selfish) reason I enjoy keeping up with those families, is that it helps me keep perspective. If Jen and Charlie can work FT from home with four kids four and under, then I can handle my life. If the Jon and Kate can handle 8 children, 6 of them toddlers, then I can handle my life. But something Jen said on her blog today REALLY made me realize so much of my struggle is just my attitude. I loved what she said here, but I’ll paste part of it in case you don’t want to read her whole post:

My life is much like a Class V river. You don't possess a whole lot of control when you are in Class V whitewater. You can try to control the river, but you'll quickly realize that you can paddle until your arms feel like they're going to fall off and you're still floating backwards. To some this might be terrifying and make them fear for their lives. But to me, this is heart pounding excitement that lets me know I'm alive. My goal on any given day is to get the little boat that we are floating upon from point A to point B without flipping over, sinking, or running in to rocks. I've learned that for the most part, all you need to do is keep the boat towards the middle of the river and go with the flow, try not to let out too many blood curdling screams and realize that every so often, you will take a wave in the face ... but eventually, you'll dry out.

“…every so often you will take a wave in the face…but eventually, you’ll dry out.”

I love that! It reminded me that this chaos is temporary. I won’t be feeling overwhelmed my whole life. It won’t be hard forever. This is just one point in time in the journey of my Life that I’ve been blessed with. AND I AM IMMENSELY BLESSED! I fully realize I have perfectly valid reasons to be stressed out. I have perfectly valid reasons to be overwhelmed.

But here’s the bottom line: I can CHOOSE to look at the hard stuff in my life and let my emotions guide me into a depression. Or I can CHOOSE to look at the blessings and let that guide me into a joyful frame of mind. So what…I take a wave in the face. I WILL DRY OUT!

There are some struggles in my life that I’m praying to God to give me guidance for and relief from. At this point and time He has not given me any inkling that He will answer me the way I want. If He NEVER answers me, can I be okay with that? Is my current set of circumstances so bad, that I cannot see beyond the challenges I face every day? No. Not at all. AS LONG AS I FOCUS PROPERLY. Today I am choosing to focus on the fact that the little boat our family is on is floating from point A to point B and we’re not flipping over, sinking, or running into rocks.


I’m attempting to go with the flow,




...let out my blood curdling screams when I need to...



...take the waves in my face as just part of the journey...



I will focus on the fact that eventually, I will dry out, in spite of the fact that at the moment I might be gasping for breath.

Today’s Goal: Enjoy the ride! I’m still on the boat and that’s a good start, even if it feels like I'm nowhere near having a grip!

Male Bonding

One of the things that I find so sexy about my husband is his ability to fix almost anything. He's not an engineer by trade, but his brain just seems to really understand mechanics and he's willing to take on almost anything that needs fixed or built just so he can learn something new. I love that about him! He gets that from his dad I think, as Mr. W is the same way.


So yesterday they spent some bonding time under the hood of my car getting it ready for inspection.




Our neighbor coming over to offer help and encouragement.

"Hey, my Daddy doesn't need no help..."




Daddy ended up needing to run to the auto parts store, so De-Da took Monkey on a walk. Which ended up being a stick hunt.




Here is our sweet neighbor sharing a big stick from her yard. I think he's smitten.




Showing off the spoils to Daddy.




After fixing the car, it was time to come inside from the hot Texas sun and have some cold lemonade and watch the Mavericks spank San Antonio.




Yay! The Mavs win!



The other thing I find really sexy about my husband is his understanding that quality time with his family is so important. It ended up just being a wonderful afternoon all around watching the men in my life bond. It's this type of stuff that will build a wonderful life foundation and memories for my son as he grows older. It's something that I can't wait to see continue as we add M2 to the mix.

I'm just feeling overwhelmingly blessed today! :-)

Welcome to the World DFM!!!

Last night, my sweet brother and SIL, J and C, had their first baby! DF was born at 7:06 pm at 7lbs 5oz via a natural/no med birth. Go C! I'm just a tiny bit partial, but I think he's stunning. My first nephew. I really never even imagined what this would be like, but it's pretty freakin' awesome.

Welcome to our world sweet boy! We are so happy you're healthy and here and can't wait to meet you. We love you! C, I CANNOT TELL you how PROUD I am of you!!! J, your life is about to ROCK. All good stuff!

Auntie A and Uncle N


Do they look in awe or what? C's expression makes this one of my favorite shots ever.




DF and Momma...




My sweet baby brother J looks so proud. I still cannot believe he's even old enough to have a child. I changed HIS diapers!




More proud Daddy...




C and my other SIL, J, who's next. She's due in May and then I'm due in July. LOTS of babies this year in the M family!




Proud Daddy, Uncle J, Auntie J, Popo (Gramma in Chinese)...




Thanks to my Dad, this amazing event was photographed like a documentary. (Which is why there aren't any shots of him.) Thanks Dad!

Random Pictures

Just some random pictures taken the past few weeks of my two favorite guys in the world!

Reading his favorite book with Daddy. (Does he look like a little N in this shot or what???) I find it funny that he loves "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" so much, considering what a picky eater he is. But he always turns straight to the Saturday page to point at the hotdog and lollipop. LOL!




Tornado drill. This was the morning after a huge storm came through. I hadn't taken the pillows, blanket, Momo and book out of the tub yet. He kept busy while Daddy brushed his teeth.




Looking cool in some shades, while eating some fries on the road.




Riding the carousel in Grapevine...not sure what to think about this. He was very stoic the entire time.




What happens when the applesauce is all gone...




Watching neighborhood traffic. Man I adore these guys!