Because I Don't Say It Enough...

Grief is a burden. Rarely is it a tiny package. Rarely is it wrapped up nice and tidy. Rarely does it have a bow. Rarely are you asked if you want it and rarely is it given with good intentions. It is typically just “there”. It shows up, out of nowhere, with little or no warning. The reason is usually clear, but sometimes not. It is heavy, large, noisy, cumbersome, difficult to carry alone. Sometimes too heavy to even STAND STILL and hold it, let alone move while you’re carrying it. So much effort is gone into holding it without completely buckling, that even asking for help or encouragement is hard.




"Burdens" by Petro Ghebrehiwot (mixed media, 2007)


For those of you that have helped us carry our grief over the last several years, we cannot thank you enough. Grief has been an unwanted guest in our home. He is known by the name of infertility, pregnancy loss, searching for lost family, financial loss, career disappointments, frustrating health issues, resurfacing childhood memories, times of complete faithlessness in Him and disappointment in human goodness, fear of the unknown. Some of you know what we’ve gone through, some of you know only portions, others do not know at all. But for those of you who reached out to us in our darkest times, I cannot convey to you the level of gratitude we feel. Sometimes you were our only ray of hope.

Thank you for loving us. Thank you for encouraging us. Thank you for your prayers, your listening ears, dry shoulders, hugs, scripture readings, phone calls, emails, blog comments, cards in the mail, flowers, meals delivered, jokes shared. Some of you are across the country and nowhere close to even being able to feel like you could do anything. But you did. Thank you for not giving up on us when human instinct is to do exactly that…give up when you don’t see an end result or improvement. Thank you for understanding that we are imperfect and how immobilizing some of our experiences have been. Thank you for not waiting to be asked. Thank you for just stepping in. And most of all, thank you for being unconditional and unrelenting. You truly have been Jesus in Skin to us.

Altho' if you have given up on us, I cannot say I blame you. We've not been the best of friends to all the people we want to love on. I know this is an area we've really dropped the ball on with certain families. We very humbly ask that you forgive us and allow us another opportunity to be better friends.

We know your sacrifice to us is a gift and unfortunately, there is not enough time or money in our lives to repay you. We can only hope to stretch out our hands to others in their hour of need and pay it forward. And we know that your reward might not be on this side of Heaven, but there are jewels in your crown awaiting you in a better life. We look forward to seeing that crown placed on its designated head and KNOW without question, that your good deeds have not gone unacknowledged by the very One it matters and counts with most. We have no doubt that HE is so very proud of you!

Today I am feeling overwhelmed with the awareness of how much has been given to us.

I know we don’t say it enough: Thank you. I would name you each individually, but in my sinfulness (and in my pregnancy induced hormonal brain-fog), I would unintentionally leave someone out. But you know who you are. And I hope you understand how incredibly grateful we are.